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Orange Gerbra

I find myself on a type of downward slope today. Mostly because I seem to hold grudges which I find to be one of things I dislike about myself. I try talking myself into letting it go which will work for a while till something reminds of the situation & the grudge comes ringing my doorbell yet again. Journaling & posting here seem to be the only help of keeping me from constantly thinking about the stupid little things that keep me ranting & arguing with myself for days.

I'm tired of the job/volunteering I am doing mostly because of the drama that's been going on & for the fact that I'm not getting paid for the hard work I've been doing. I don't mind it sometimes when I get a project to do that I've been wanting to do but that's not happening enough for me to want to stay there. I just don't have the passion for this. I'm tired of my bosses b/f hanging around with his attitude toward everything & for the fact that this person is dripping with negative energy so much there seems to be a fog in the building & it feel so heavy it's amazing. It doesn't matter if he's in a good mood either because this is past issues that will never be dealt with & he's just plain annoying at times. I do the best I can by drifting somewhere else in my mind but it's a small business so he's there alllll the time. :P
I would like to quit but the boss is a type of friend & I feel if I leave then the business will plummet. I've already been "blamed" for something similar in the past by another now ex-friend & would not like it to happen again but I'm also tired of taking care of someone else's dreams & not mine. Although I'm still unsure what mine are or at least what my passion is.

Also my pets have been on the bully-train & are always fighting. Things were going so well yet until maybe 2 or 3 days ago they started this whole territorial beef with each other & I'm so tired of breaking them up. The last time this was going on was because I was sick & stressed out over a friendship spat that I swear they felt it so strongly they took it out on each other. At first it used to be just the 2 domain cats against each other, now it's everybody. My only conclusion is because myself & partner are both going through difficult times & are bringing it home & driving the animals to fight amongst themselves. I keep talking about how a vacation will release all this but there is never anytime for both of us to have the days off together.
See after getting this all out I already feel better & have answered some troubling questions by doing so. :)

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